Don’t End Up Like Me

TRIGGER WARNING. Self-harm ideations follow....

This was my dream. I’m stuck in this forced capitalism-fueled world that I wasn’t meant to be in. I’ve dreamt of leaving this world since long before my brain was fully developed...it only developed into a deeper depression. I can’t relate to my peers. I daydream about getting lost on a little island away from society where I can grow and hunt my own food, build my own shelter, walk my dog without the consistent need to battle traffic, people’s negativity and opinion fueled hate, this life of social media obsession where perfection, uniqueness, or bizarre thrive but the introverted, lone souls, fight to find meaning to live only not to hurt those who love me. Although deep down I think they know that I would finally, truly be happy and at peace, and will be even more likely to forget me in a few days. Everything I hate is accelerating at a pace I never thought I would live to experience. For the first time in my life, I feel like I can’t keep up - perhaps I’m aging just as those before me aged to a point where the concept is too far out of reach. The cycle gets worse. The feeling comes more often than ever. How do I find contentment in a world that will never be fit for me?

I don’t imagine anyone will ever read this, but if you have made it this far and have a good stretch of life left, don’t squander it. Learn new things you love - and get REALLY REALLY REALLY good at those things. Its going to take a long time to perfect your craft and even longer to find someone to compensate you for those skills, you need to get a head start. Follow your passions - don’t end up like me. One day closer to RIP, the only day I anticipate with a smile.